19 days before my daughter’s first birthday
You love lions.
Well, you can’t talk yet
but when you see pictures of lions or lion toys, you rawr in the cutest imaginable way and i am obsessed
perhaps it is because we react so positively, but you are happy to perform, just like your mom and dad. you ham it up for the crowd
wiggling those magically expressive eyebrows you schmooze with the best of us.
when we sing that song
from that lion toy in Houston
I’m a brave lion listen to me roar.
but why tonight do you struggle to sleep?
or are you just roaring in the night because sometimes we need to road
sometimes we need to cry
as we process the things that happened to us
the memories
i cry when i process memories.
perhaps a bit of crying is healthy
i haven’t cried in years is a thing i’ve said a few times in my life
and it isn’t usually exactly true, but i usually go years between crying in front of anyone
except this week
i cried in front of a stranger at the science center when he told me that a favorite owl of mine had died. i cried because i was sad
and in the past, i would have added that to my bottle of feelings and then cried about it all at once when i was alone
maybe a bit of crying now and then helps me stay balanced internally
it is fair to feel sad or scared sometimes
sometimes i just need to roar
as i remember those falls
those scary moments throughout my life threoughout my day
and sometimes when it gets really bad i want someone to save me but there is nobody else
there is nobody else
there is nobody and there is everybody
i sang a song to my daughter tonight
the words were
everybody loves you
everybody wants to help you
everybody loves you
everybody wants to help you
everybody loves you everybody wants to help you
and so on
I want her to believe that most people have her best interests at heart.
of course, there will be scum bags out there… people who never learned how to appropriately express their feelings or affection or anger or whatever.
they may struggle with love.
but most people will respect clearly defined boundaries and most people will step up to what you need from them
we all want to help
we just don’t always know how
but sometimes the salvation army reaches out through the mail and
says hey you can feed people at these times in these places
a lot of feelings a
lot of processing
do i write poetry?
poetry is my mother tongue
because i have none
not that i don’t havea tongue
i have a tongue
i just don’t know how to use it as effectively as i know how to express my thoughts like this
more concisely
it’s why i like to write letters to those i love
birthday cards are where i can' let my love flow free
i feel like i’m living in a dream sequence
Annie appeared and weas gone in the blink of an eye
like a flash of light
my life is a fever dream
of breakfast vehicles and cottage cheese
surrealist books and
breakfast cerealism
i would love some lucky charms right now
i’ll send my book with her care package
perspective is the last thing we get
in life and in art
artist and philanthropist
that’s what i want to be when i grow up
oh and a mom
beep beep breakfast mom